You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
