she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
