i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
