she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
