since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
