I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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