Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
