he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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