His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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