i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
