Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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