Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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