Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
