I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
