I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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