tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
