I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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