i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
