I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize