goodnight i made you a song goodbye
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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