I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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