i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
