I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
