I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
