ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
