At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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