Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize