Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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