If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are we still banned from the library?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize