I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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