I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
