Your face is a jimmy john
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
