you mean i was at the winter classic?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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