I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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