maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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