Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
