So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
