If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize