Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
where does the pee come out of this thing
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
