Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
