I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
