just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
