I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
