There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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