my shit smells like andre
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
