ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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