just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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