we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
