the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
bring money and cleavage
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
