I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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