Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
