Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
