Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize