So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
