i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
