I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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