Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
