why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
