My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
