Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
