walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want to be your penis for a week.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
