this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
