did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
