I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
