just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
